for a minute there, I thought I had COVID-19

Yeah, you read that right. I thought I might have had COVID-19. Here’s the story & how I feel today:

So here’s the deal: May is roommate transition time for many college/grad students. It comes with the territory of living in a house with up to four roommates. There’s jobs to do and life to live even in this crazy global pandemic. 

When my first new roommate needed to move in, it happened. Her parents came and helped and she moved in, no biggie. 

Until a couple days later when her dad started to experience COVID-19 symptoms. 

And a couple days after that when he tested positive. 

Here’s how I felt after receiving the news, in chronological order —

  • optimistic
  • nervous
  • angry
  • guilty
  • terrified
  • anxious
  • impatient
  • guilty
  • bored
  • sad
  • lonely
  • guilty
  • angry
  • frustrated 

repeat, repeat, repeat. 

I wasn’t scared for myself. I’m relatively healthy. I was scared that unknowingly I could have HURT (yes, hurt is the word) others. If I had been a part of spreading this virus throughout my community — knowing I probably could have been more careful. 

After her dad’s positive result, my roommate got tested. Even though she stayed in her room and wore a mask if she ever ventured to fill her water bottle (honestly, she’s a trouper!) — I stayed home, missing work and workouts, to avoid being in places with people until we knew if my new roommate also had covid (and therefore, the rest of us probably did as well) and let me tell you — it sucked. 

Due to Memorial Day Weekend, (and ridiculously slow communication between lab and clinic) we waited over 5 DAYS to get the result. My stomach was in knots. I was angry and lonely and scared (repeat, repeat, repeat). I went on long walks and blasted music to forget the looming feeling. I read a book all day to avoid consuming more media that made me nervous. I cried a lot. I tried to find tasks to fill the time. I watched the entire season of Sweet Magnolias in one day, leaving my bed maybe three times. I watched in frustration that down the block as there were people having a darty on the lawn. I saw stories of other people taking shots at the bars & I thought to myself… I was so careful and yet this is happening to me, when there’s people out there doing that?! It’s not fair. 

And that’s true — none of this is fair. A virus doesn’t care if it’s fair. It’s not fair to people who are being careful. It’s not fair to those who are working on the frontlines and helping to keep us safe. It’s not fair to those who need to return to work. It’s not fair to the people who have lost their jobs. It’s not fair to the seniors. It’s not fair to those who have lost loved ones or can’t be with their loved ones. It’s honestly just not fair… any of it.

But today, after a negative test result and a billion pounds off my shoulders — I can tell you that it would have sucked a whole lot more if I had unintentionally put other people at risk. 

This scare has really set my heart and mind on what I believe is right — wear your mask, wash your hands, and stay 6 feet apart. When able, stay home. When you can’t (for livelihood or sanity) be careful. 

Trust me — you don’t want to feel how I felt. 

And I didn’t even have covid. 

**I’d like to note that my roommate’s dad is feeling better every day and should make a full recovery, thank goodness.

new roomie #2 that moves in next week! she moved things in (with mask and gloves) while we all stayed in our rooms (after disinfecting every inch of our house) and we grabbed this picture through the window haha 🙂

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